Heart pounding

Here I sit. Cross legged on the edge of my bed and my heart is pounding thinking about him. Everything about this situation says I should be mad at him. That I should be freaked out that hes sleeping with both of us at the same time but in my mind none of it matter. The other girl doesnt matter. The things they do together doesnt matter because when he's with me-- hes with ME.
Im trying to be the strong person Im always talking about and I think Im doing a really good job at it. Im going to consciously watch myself to make sure I dont change in any negative way to make him like me. I can only be me. Jessa. The girl who is love with her music, her friends, and everything that makes her happy. And HE makes me happy which is why Im willing to fight.

And maybe it wont be a fight. Maybe he'll just realize that I am a great catch and wanna be with just me. In a way I feel like Im a finalist. I made the final two like on American Idol and now its just about who stands out the best. I know hes not dating us both to see which one of us he likes better, but rather hes just confused. Ive been there, I get it. And the sex is just sex, theres no doubt in my mind that hes sleeping with this other girl. I dont know when I got this detachment to sex, but its just always been that way in my head. It is what it is. No big emotional deal.

I guess in the end, Im just going to be me. Turn up the sex appeal a bit. And just pray Im the girl who wins in the end. I know I could possibly be pouring my heart and emotions into someone that might hurt me in the end but how can I not try?
____________________________

And I just got this email from BD:
So, there is a boy in your life, and you want his attention, but there seems to be some obstacles. With my easy step by step program, and some simple rules. You too can achieve and get your boy.

Rule #1-What's that smell? Oh, yeah, that's you, cause you're the shit!
Rule #2-If he doesn't realize how good he has something, then make sure that he does.
Rule #3-Get to know what is going on with him on the inside before he gets inside you.
Rule #4-No more sex, no exceptions, no excuses.
Rule #5-With the random, and I say very random reason. You are not to enter, dwell, or hang out at his home.
Rule #6-Neutral ground is key. You need to be just as comfortable as he is.
Rule #7-Ah, yes, lucky #7. Its quite simple. Direct, open, honest communication.
Rule #8-You are you. Don't ever change who you are for anybody.
Rule #9-Always know that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and you are the fisherman (fisherwoman).
Rule #10-Most importantly, if you want something, get it. Don't wait for it. Strive for it, achieve it, don't take anything less.