Im okay with it!

The bestfriend basically ripped me a new one tonight when I was asking her questions about AP. She thinks Im selling myself short, settling, making myself look bad, and she HATE HATE HATES that Im okay with him sleeping with me while not being in a relationship with me.

I tried explaining to her how it is when we do sleep together and I have to leave. We hook up, I snuggle for like a half an hour then get up, tuck him in, turn on the fan for him, then clean up any cups or something in the living room then leave. I would do that for anyone I slept at their house too. It just doesnt feel weird to me now that I know the situation between us. At the beginning I was nervous that I was setting the wrong impression, or doing the wrong thing by sleeping with him and now its at a point where I know that sex is just sex between us, and no big deal anymore.

She thinks Im lying. That Im in denial and because I think I cant get anyone else, Im letting him do this to me. She actually laughed in my face and thats when I was hurt by her opinion. I get it-- you think Im being stupid but honestly BFF, you just dont get it. Youre not me.

Alot of people have such an emotional attachment to sex. I can separate it because I enjoy it for what it is. I know the situation! Im NEVER going to be the one girl AP wants to date. And its not because Im not good enough, or because he can't love me. Its just because he's being selfish post divorce and dating multiple people because it makes him feel good about himself. I dont like my alternative: to stop dating him and go back to being completely single. I want snuggling. I want someone to make me feel wanted and sexy. I want to be told Im beautiful and how wonderful I am. I LIKE THAT!!! Who wouldnt? So let me enjoy it.

I know she thinks Im going to get emotionally involved and get hurt. Im not. Im so not emotionally attached its not even funny. I feel the same way about him as I did with MOB. Its just a feel good, warm body, experience. Its not someone who you are going to be in love with or keep as your own- EVER.

Maybe I do deserve more. And AP tells me this too by the way! But the only people I have been asked out by in the past 2 years was 3 people I am so NOT attracted to, proving that its slim pickins. Let me enjoy a cute boy who thinks Im hot for a change! It wont be like this forever, and I know it. I dont want it to be!
But Im sticking with the ideal that Im going to be a single girl for the long-haul of my life. Im just going to enjoy the little blips of hottness thrown my way. :)