I kissed him.
It was so highschool too. I have no idea what his face looked like afterwards. It was apart of a deal with friends. I think I made everything worse. And Ive been ignoring it all day while hanging with "friend crush" (FC) all day but now Im alone and Im severely beating myself up for it.
Heres the skinny:
2 friends and I made a deal: you kiss him, I'll kiss BD, and the other friend will kiss this other guy. In all reality, it was worth it to watch my gay friend kiss our (now admitted bisexual) friend. The look on his face was enough to giggle over. But I think I made everything worse for myself. Someone PLEASE just restrain me when Im drinking.
So I uphold my end of the deal, grab BD's face and lay one on him real quick then turn and run away. I didnt even peek to see the look on his face, I just left.
When I came back to the group, I kept to myself and he seemed a little awkward....I think I definitely messed up. When we were all leaving he just got in his car with everyone and left. We get back to SRQ and he would talk to me and stuff but I didnt get the usual hug goodbye, I had to initiate.
God I ruined everything didnt I?
My friend said "if hes not interested, then get over it." Im sorry but I have a hard time listening to advice I dont like or doesnt give me the end result that I want. Its selfish, childish, and down right rude to solicit peoples advice then scowl at the answer but is who I am. Still! What if I was close to making him comfortable with the idea of dating someone again and then here I go!! Drunk and forward as hell, and do this.
I have officially not told him I like him. I have also asked why he wont date me. And now kissed him. Bring out the creepster list and put my name at the top!
Im gonna call him and talk about this but I feel like such a tard. Can we forget what I did last night?
UPDATE:
ReplyDeleteSo I just got done texting BD. Its easier just to let you live it out with me.
ME: I hope youre enjoy your day off and last night didnt beat you up too much.
BD: Nope, Im good. Had an amazing time last night. How bout you? You seemed a little distant towards the end of the night.
Me: Um...Im sorta beating myself up about that actualy. lol I apologize for being that stupid girl who kissed you and walked away. Im dumb.
BD: Its cool. Dont sweat it. You think too much.
Me: Its who I am. If anyone who knew the ridiculousness inside my head all the time, it would drive them crazy. I just need someone to make me stop doing stupid stuff I beat myself up for afterwards. And to stop doing it to you. hahaha
BD: Stop sweating it so much. We all had fun last night. It was good times.
ME: It was good times! Wish you had hung out with Andrew and I too. He had me up at 9am and out for bfast.
BD: I got the msg but was passed out.
So-- what are youre thoughts on this update? Hes pretty amazing isnt he? I go on to later thank him for being so awesome. Could I have a crush on a more laid back person? I think not.