Last Week As Myself

Maybe this is irrational but I feel like this is the last week I am truly going to be myself. Or at least the self I have been for the past 27 years. I'm fearing the worst on the inside but trying to play it cool on the outside.
-- Okay between that paragraph and the rest was me watching The Voice and eating 400 calories worth of gelato. Carry on.--

So I just took a shower and the fact that I'm losing so much hair was so obvious. I keep not trying to play with it but I'm just shedding more than normal and tonight I just cried in the shower feeling how thin its getting.
I didn't think I would be worried about my hair. Afterall, I had a TON of it, whats a little thinning. But! I haven't started the synthoid yet and already I feel like atleast a 1/4 of my hair is gone. Not to mention the grey is raging after just 5 weeks of having it colored last. That may have nothing to do with my cancer but I can't imagine its helping.

This is the last week that I feel like I'm going to have the same outlook on everything. I'm bracing for increased anxiety, possible depression, and all of the worse side affects from losing my thyroid and replacing it with synthoid. I'm removing an entire body part that serves a function! What the hell!

I think my friends are already "over" the surgery talk too. And I don't bring it up just so I can have poor-me time but I need to hash it out and know everything is going to be okay. This shit is 5 days away and I feel like everyone kinda just forgotten its happening.
Not to mention work is stressing me to the MAX! I was fired up earlier today and knowing that now is the time to start looking for something different. And with the Internet these days I feel like you can't really express whats going on at an employer for fear of another one finding your social media outlets-- but lets just say someone gets too worked up over nothing and should learn to calm down before trying to handle a situation. Honestly, things are usually not the end of world.
And I feel like this is a time I should be resting, not stressing out to the point of tears at work! I'm still waging war with cancer inside my body right now and I don't think Ive really thought of it that way until this week.

My body is under attack and in 5 days I'm going to be sending in my Seal Team 6 to abolish its ass. Here's hoping it goes well and I am back to new in no time.
I'm ready but I'm not ready. God help me and someone come snuggle me for a while.

Listening to while mentally analyzing everything known to man:
Blondefire- "Waves"
Smallpools- "Dreaming"
The Neighbourhood- "Sweater Weather"
Bastille- "Pompeii"